Almost 25!! My reason to celebrate LIFE!!

Well it's the day before my 25th birthday and I have had some time to stop and think about a lot of things today, well this week honestly. A lot of it has been focused on what a birthday really means. We celebrate a day in which a person enters the world but WHY, why is that so important. well the answer depends on the person you ask, for a parent a child's birth is often a mark of love pure love (if not between the parents who created the child then between the mother willing to endure the pain to bring it to this world) AHH there is what I have been thinking so much about bringing a child into this world, you see 25 years ago my mother was faced with a very very hard decision she was asked for almost nine months not to bring me into this world. She was repeatedly told we would both die, I would be handicapped, i would never walk, or function. Why why in the world the Dr's asked again and again are you going to die for "something" that will never be "anything" WELL my mother knew deep down in her heart of hearts I wanted to come here, I'm sure ever time she went in and every tear she cried over that decision I was there saying "mommy please please let me come, please I know I can do it, mom just give me a shot please." words I have said many times after entering this world. I know without a shadow of doubt in my mine my mother was lead by the Lord the one whom I had to leave in order to come here.
Since coming here there has been many times I have been strengthened by her once again. She has always loved me enough to allow me to give it a shot. I want to name just a few times where she has had to hear mommy please I know I can do it, MOMMY LET ME GO, never in words but only in desire. Here I was begging to come and now begging to GO, but she always knew I had to try I had to have my shot at life and that I have

When I was small we endured a lot of trails due to the agency of many others some harder then others and my dear mother all of a sudden became a single mom of 2 kids with a heart hurt deeply and emotions flying in the wind, there where times where she/we just didn't know if we could hold on, it felt like satan would destroy us before morning light. However in late nights we would lay there tears in our eyes no words needing to be said ans me with my curly blond hair and pretty green eyes would dance through the room and we'd laugh and I'd say in every move let's just hold on it's gonna get better. But like life often is we take two steps forward and one back but with every movement the Lord was knitting my mothers heart and I together. It would have been easier for her have once again chosen to live with out me, many offered but I begged inside "mommy please please let me go, please I know I can do it, mom just give me a shot please" and we did do it! we are as strong now as we have every been!

Then as a young child we had the opertunity to attend 4-H (i was not suppose to go I was a year to young) but once again i said ""mommy please please let me come, please I know I can do it, mom just give me a shot mommy please" And so her and a friend worked it out and I went. That summer started a change that even I didn't understand.
Then at 12 I had the opportunity to do ASIS(a native american summer camp)i was young and we couldn't really afford the cost but once again i said""mommy please please let me go, please I know I can do it, mom just give me a shot please" We found out mid way through the process the program was changing to UB/MS in COLORADO I got in the youngest in their history both them and my mother worried but like always i asked Please please give me a shot, and she did and told them it was in their best interest to let me. She went with out that summer and blessings came because of it. the following years I returned with scholarship and even brought some other from home. Every year I was gone for my Birthday even my sweet 16 but I knew I had some for a reason to leave the world a little better then I found it. Well lo and behold I graduated at the age of 17 this "something" that was going to be "nothing" From that point I went to college where I landed my first internship in Disney! it was hard that spring break as the news came I was in the hospital from a bad car wreak and mom said I'd have to turn it down. again I was asking ""mommy please please let me go, please I know I can do it, mom just give me a shot please I know I can do it." So yet again she let her baby girl go. While on that internship I found The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and knew what was taught was true despite not agreeing with me joining the church at the age of 18 I asked with a heavy heart wanting so bad to understand more of why I'm here I begged again "mommy please please let me go, please, I know I can do it, mom just give me a shot please, I know I can do it." I knew I needed this change in my life, even though she still teases me to this day about being "mormon" she knows why I am doing it and she has supported me yet again when I told her I was going to attend BYU-I out west as I left I glanced back at my mom and pleaded with the tears in my heart "mommy please please let me go, please I know I can do it, mom just give me a shot please I know I can do it." And I did I also found a great job out upon graduation there BUT felt impressed to return back to NC so 2 days before I walked across the stage I looked at my mom and said I'm coming home, not understanding but having i guess learned me well enough she endured a 3 day drive across county with me, where i took a late night job at waffle house :/ but i keep saying I've got to go to Raleigh so she helped me get a job and with my car all packed up again I looked at here with that same look that said "mommy please please let me go, please I know I can do it, mom just give me a shot please I know I can do it." I did and then I progressed entered Graduate school at NCSU then I go running off to Costa Rica the month she moved in again with that same look she gave up all she could to let me do it, try it. NOW here it is my 25th birthday and yet again i'm not home because 2 months ago I graduated and the following monday I started my position with University of Florida. As mom drove down and helped me start up, the day she got ready to get in her car to go home once again my eyes filled with tears and a heart heavy, and still now as i head to a meeting this weekend for my B-day I'm still asking "mommy please please let me go, please I know I can do it, mom just give me a shot please I know I can do it." So as she celebrates this day tomorrow I hope she can remember that 25 years ago She gave the world a light that she has fanned more then once and it continues to grow and it will burn in the hearts of her grandchildren as I celebrate the birth of my children(when they come and i to make the call to be mommy)

If you where to ask me as a daughter and as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints I would tell you I celebrate my B-day as a day I made the choice to come to this earth, to endure so many obstacles for the sole purpose of leaving it better then I found it. I am sure my mother wasn't the only one hearing for the Lord around this time 25 years ago, The Lord was probably telling me "go try my daughter I know it will be hard but please please just try, don't forget me but I know you can do this, just try please" and here I am 25 years later still trying again and again to remember why I am here and what it means to be upon this earth. I know there there is a reason things happen, I know the Lord knows us perfectly and he will always have us to draw upon him and know that if we rely on him we can go and do the things we need to do. SO give it a SHOT, DO IT. I also know that one of the greatest blessings the Lord could have given me to help me through this life is MY MOMMY!!!!! THANK YOU MOM FOR ALWAYS LETTING ME GO, AND GIVING ME A SHOT, THANKS FOR KNOWING I COULD DO IT,EVEN WHEN I WANTED TO QUIT YOU ARE ALWAYS THAT. MOST IMPORTANTLY THANK YOU FOR MY BODY AND MY LIFE SO I CAN DO ALL THAT MY FATHER IN HEAVEN HAS FOR ME TO DO. I TRULY LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND I HOPE WHEN U LOOK AT ME YOU CAN STILL SEE THE CURLY BLOND HAIR KID WANTING TO MAKE THE WORLD SMILE
SO HAPPY REMEMBRANCE DAY 2 US ALL!!!